Waiting to move on

Today I visited my Dad in the funeral parlour.  This is the last time I will see him.

I feel like we’ve just been waiting. It hadn’t sunk in… until today

All the planning for the funeral and wake is complete. We are now waiting again. Waiting for the day when we finally say Goodbye.

I want the day to come so that I can start to feel some grief.

Yet, I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to forget him.

And today i thought i was ok when i entered the room of rememberance. There lay Dad’s body but it wasn’t my Dad. He didnt open his eyes, he didn’t smile, he didn’t flick his dentures around his mouth. He was cold… like the day he passed away.

It wasn’t my dad.

He’s already gone.

And when i think of this I feel so sad.